才剛想要衝刺說

今天本來不去辦公室,因為最近天氣差,而且最近用眼多了些有些吃不消,但很早一位清大研究生就跟我約要跟我聊聊,不好再一直拖,既然約好了一早還是出發。

進了辦公室不久,Amy問我質性研究的軟體,我知道的軟體都是PC專用,後來找了一下發現叫HyperResearch的跨平台軟體,並且有試用版,就download下來試試看。我眼力還很差,跟助理說明一下基本的原理,請她先試著摸索看看,因為附有不少教學材料,應該有辦法自學才對。

學生還沒有到,一位同事看到我在辦公室進來探望,大概看我滿桌東西,電腦也開車,就提醒我她的朋友相似的狀況復健四個月才告一段落,要我應該馬上停止工作。我本來就想要喊煞車,聽到她這一講,馬上把煞車踩到底。老實說,我的醫師也是跟我說起碼要四個月。

但我屈指一數,現在連三個月都還不到,要到5月10日才滿四個月,而且那時還要看醫生診斷決定要不要繼續。我真的太急了些,但我每天都跟廢人一樣閒晃,感覺壓力很大,好像對不起好多好多人,真的連納稅人都不時跑進腦海裡,還有無名無狀當初核可我研究計畫通過的人,甚至還包括辦公室裡的設備、書籍好像都在寂寞地等我,好好笑,但工作狂真的大概就這想法吧。還不用說到,研究工作本身的誘惑。

跟學生聊了約一小時多,我順口而出講到「研究的風險」,她說從來沒有想到研究會有風險。這讓我有些驚訝,後來想不到順著這講下來的東西反而學生認為受用最多,然後當然我就想到寫Socioblogist那個blog,像這每天碰到的是都一直在urge我去弄東動西的,唉。好難控制自己的工作慾望,好像一頭拼命踩油門,一頭煞車全開,都聽得到輪胎嘰嘰作響,聞得到燒焦的橡膠煙味。

一個月前我本來宣佈要開始慢慢恢復工作,結果也是因為這位同事的警告,延後一個月(其實不到),這次我想想,還是聽從勸告,在把工作份量減少,因為過去一週來常回到辦公室,然後也開始比較大量閱讀,眼睛每天都有些吃不消,自己也會感覺得到。匆忙收拾行李,趕回家休息。今天一整個下午到晚上都沒有看書,沒有看電視,只是閒晃,或者熱敷眼睛躺平。Kaya真的活動力驚人,Febie一整天一直跟我報告他在翻跟斗啦,踢拳腳啦,跟她搔癢啦。Maybe有點牽強附會,但我真的可以了解Kaya想要出來動手動腳、舒展身手的急切心情,因為他老爹現在就是這樣。

0 thoughts on “才剛想要衝刺說

  1. Jerry, 換個角度想吧,也許你現在看來是個廢人。但那是因為你之前有時一天當兩天用呢!而現在正是老天要你「慢下來」的時候喔,還送來一個寶寶。慢有慢的哲理在其中,在不能閱讀、工作的時候,好好感受「慢」的精髓吧!

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